Adventures in Science
by Nuwanda
Summary: Whatever Tony Stark wants, Tony Stark gets, one way or another. Clint should really learn to turn his phone off. Established relationship, Tony/Clint, text format, second chapter in story format.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ****This was created when, once again, "Tony" (me) was bored, and wanted "Clint's" (J2's) attention. And she was playing with her kitten who, believe it or not, is named Loki (this was before the film came out). And once again, I whined for attention. But no, I did NOT send her pictures. **

**Enjoy.^^**

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**Stark1:**Whatcha doing?

**Hawkeye58:**Working. Stupid paperwork with Coulson.

**Stark1:**So…..you've crossed over to the other side. I see how it is.

**Hawkeye58:**Hahaha I have not.

**Stark1:**Suuuuuuuure you haven't. It's why you refuse to entertain me. You've become a minion to the Dark One.

**Hawkeye58:**Have not. Though the "Dark One" is occupying all of my damn time.

**Stark1:**…and now you're cheating on me. Nice.

**Hawkeye58:**I am not and you know it.

**Stark1:**Yea, right. That's why you'd rather spend time with him than me.

**Hawkeye58:**Totally not the reason.

**Stark1:**Tch whatever.

**Hawkeye58:**Oh, stop being so dramatic.

**Stark1:**NO. Lonely. Lonely and bored.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, unfortunately I can't help that today.

**Stark1:**Yea. Cuz you're busy canoodling with your new boyfriend.

**Hawkeye58:**Totally not what's going on. :P

**Stark1:**….that little face at the end just makes me suspicious.

**Hawkeye58:**Tony….I am not going to canoodle with Coulson. That's just weird.

**Stark1:**…..you're still up to SOMETHING.

**Hawkeye58:**I am up to nothing.

**Stark1:**Pfft fine. Whatever. Bruce will probably want to hang out. And even if not, he won't be an elusive bastard.

**Hawkeye58:**I'm not being elusive.

**Stark1:**Aaaaaaaaand now I spilled chemicals everywhere.

**Hawkeye58:**What? Are you okay? Should I call someone?

**Stark1:**No, I'm fine. It's just….eating through…..stuff. Fuck. This is what happens when I get upset. I do stupid shit.

**Hawkeye58:**…..I'd offer to help clean it up but I'm assuming you don't want me near it.

**Stark1:**Yea. Ah…hold on a second.

**Hawkeye58:**Sure you don't want me to call someone? They're not like…..stuff that'll go airborne?

**Stark1:**No, really, it's fine. It was just….eating my pants.

**Hawkeye58:**…..um. You removed those, then, right?

**Stark1:**….no. I thought I'd let it continue and eat its way through my flesh. Come on. What do you think?

**Hawkeye58:**Just checking. I don't know…

**Stark1:**Geez.

**Hawkeye58:**…..what were you doing with chemicals?

**Stark1:**…..I plead the fifth.

**Hawkeye58:**…should we be scared?

**Stark1:**….I'd say I'm competent enough that we should be safe.

**Hawkeye58:**Hey, I don't know. They could be chemicals you're planning to use in some elaborate prank.

**Stark1:**Um, no. I don't fuck around like that.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, not if it's dangerous. All you said was you knocked stuff over. I know harmless chemicals can become an issue if mixed. Maybe that was the case. You won't tell me so I get to make wild assumptions.

**Stark1:**Tch whatever.

**Hawkeye58:**Hey. Don't be mad. I'm just rambling, really.

**Stark1:**Whaaaaatever. You always doubt my science skills. I'm getting used to it.

**Hawkeye58:**I do not. I wasn't doubting them at all.

**Stark1:**Yea yea.

**Hawkeye58:**Seriously. I don't doubt you and science.

**Stark1:**Yea? You always seem fairly concerned about it.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, yeah. Because even though you know what you're doing, you either don't eat or sleep while you're doing it , or you hurt yourself testing it.

**Stark1:**Hey. That's like…hazards of the road. Comes with the job.

**Hawkeye58:**I know. But I can't help getting a little worried.

**Stark1:**Ha. Thanks, I guess. I really do know what I'm doing, though.

**Hawkeye58:**I know. I never said you didn't.

**Stark1:**I know. Just…I don't know.

**Hawkeye58:**What? Look. If it upsets you I won't mention it anymore. I wasn't trying to do that. Really.

**Stark1:**Not upset. It's nice that you worry.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah…not used to it. Worrying. I know I don't have to. But I do.

**Stark1:**Heh. Thanks.

…guess I should put some pants on, huh.

**Hawkeye58:**Ah. Yeah. Probably.

**Stark1:**Ha. Scientist porn.

**Hawkeye58:**…you're weird. And distracting.

**Stark1:**Ha yea?

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah.

**Stark1:**And why's that?

**Hawkeye58:**Because I have an active imagination.

**Stark1:**….oh? Do tell.

**Hawkeye58:**Uh, no. It's enough trying to get myself not to think about it….and it's not working. Damn. I hate you.

**Stark1:**Ha you do not. So, I'm not wearing pants. Did I mention that?

**Hawkeye58:**Yes. You did.

…pantsless you is refusing to go away in my head.

**Stark1:**Oh.

….I'm shirtless, too.

**Hawkeye58:**…Tony. So not helping.

**Stark1:**Yup. Just me and my under things.

**Hawkeye58:**…..you suck.

**Stark1:**Very well, I've been told.

**Hawkeye58:**Fuck! Not helping.

**Stark1:**Hahaha

**Hawkeye58:**Bastard.

**Stark1:**You love it.

….mm. Me mostly nude, doing science. How horny are you right now?

**Hawkeye58:**…

**Stark1:**…..ooh, I like that answer.

**Hawkeye58:**….I hate you so much.

**Stark1:**You do not. In fact, I think you want to come to my lab and violate me in many and varied ways.

**Hawkeye58:**….yeah. That sounds good, too.

**Stark1:**Yea? You think so?

**Hawkeye58:**Oh yeah.

**Stark1:**Mm….thought you couldn't get away?

**Hawkeye58:**…can't. Doesn't mean I don't want to.

**Stark1:**Ah.

…so it would be extremely unfair of me to start texting you dirty pictures of me, naked, sprawled across a lab table, touching myself?

**Hawkeye58:**….that would be decidedly unfair.

**Stark1:**Heh. Sounds extremely fun to me.

**Hawkeye58:**You are an evil bastard.

**Stark1:**Yup. Totally evil.

**Hawkeye58:**…dick.

**Stark1:**…..thought you didn't want to see that. Okay, I'll send you a pic.

**Hawkeye58:**God dammit Tony! Not helping!

**Stark1:***naked photo, on table*

**Hawkeye58:**Tony! This is torture!

**Stark1:***several more kinky pictures*

**Hawkeye58:**Killing me. Totally killing me. This is in no way fair or humane.

**Stark1:***kinkykinkykinky*

**Hawkeye58:**…..you're going to make things very awkward for me.

**Stark1:**Yea? Why's that?

**Hawkeye58:**…I'd prefer not to say.

**Stark1:**Heh. Then I'd prefer to keep sending you dirty pictures.

**Hawkeye58:**…..not fair.

**Stark1:**Heh. I disagree.

**Hawkeye58:**You would.

**Stark1:**Mmmhm. *naked photo*

**Hawkeye58:**…..you. Are awful. And I hate you SO MUCH.

**Stark1:**You do not. You wanna come here and fuck me.

**Hawkeye58:**Goddammit Tony.

**Stark1:**Ha.

…..hey….you remember that bow you left here for me to work on?

**Hawkeye58:**…yeah…

**Stark1:***NEKKID ARCHERY PORN*

**Hawkeye58:**You know. On second thought. I'm going over there to kill you.

**Stark1:**Ha yea right. If you actually DID come over here, you'd be coming over to fuck me.

**Hawkeye58:**Kill you.

**Stark1:**Fuck me.

**Hawkeye58:**I think you'd enjoy that too much.

**Stark1:**Ha. I think you'd enjoy it much more than killing me. Which we both know you really don't wanna do.

…..hey, you with Coulson still? Has he caught on to how ridiculously horny you are?

**Hawkeye58:**….probably…it's Coulson. Though if it's the case, he's keeping the knowledge to himself.

**Stark1:**Hahaha awesome.

**Hawkeye58:**…hate. You.

**Stark1:**You so totally do not.

**Hawkeye58:**You're an ass.

**Stark1:**You knew that already.

…wish you were here. Want to touch you.

**Hawkeye58:**…..dammit.

**Stark1:**Get you down in the lab at last.

…not really in the way I'd intended, but…I'm not feeling too picky.

**Hawkeye58:**Tony…dammit. I can't…let me try and get out of here….

**Stark1:**….so you can come kill me?

**Hawkeye58:**….yeah. That.

**Stark1:**…..well, that's no fun at all. I don't want to die. I want to feel your body against mine. Run my hands through your hair. Taste your skin, your heat…..

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. I'm leaving. When they take my phone away next time, remember…..your fault.

**Stark1:**They'd better not. I need to be in touch with you at all times.

…why would they take it away? Did Coulson see those pictures?

**Hawkeye58:**No. But he's a smart guy. I'm sure he can figure out what's going on.

**Stark1:**….are you being that obvious?

**Hawkeye58:**Not at all. It's just freaking Coulson. He's magic or something.

**Stark1:**Mmhm. Okay. If you say so. I think you're just so hot you can't hide it.

**Hawkeye58:**Never. Trained better than that.

**Stark1:**You were never trained for ME.

**Hawkeye58:**No. But I like to think that I'm still good at covering my emotions…..everyone else will just assume I'm just doing my disrespect of authority thing.

**Stark1:**….did I happen to mention that I'm waiting for you, naked, in my lab? Oh, that's right, I don't have to, because I sent you MORE THAN TEN PICTURES. But, in case they somehow got lost in transit, here's another. *sexiest photo yet*

**Hawkeye58:**…..okay. You know. Really not helping. Is, but it isn't. Do we have teleporters? Did you invent that yet?

**Stark1:**….working on it.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah, well…doesn't help me now.

**Stark1:**Suck it up.

**Hawkeye58:**Your damn fault.

**Stark1:**Yup. And it'll continue to be. Cuz I'm keeping you.

**Hawkeye58:**You're keeping me?

**Stark1:**Yea. You're mine now.

**Hawkeye58:**Hahaha yeah?

**Stark1:**Yup. Non-negotiable.

**Hawkeye58:**Haha. Don't know how SHIELD will feel if it interferes with my contract. I'm sure you guys can work out an arrangement.

**Stark1:**…yea no, you're mine.

**Hawkeye58:**Hmm.

…I think I'm good with that, then.

**Stark1:**…yea?

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah, actually. Kind of weird. You know. But….yeah. I'm good with it.

**Stark1:**I love you so much.

….you'd better have left by now. I wanna feel your hands on my body. Mine are really no replacement.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. Yeah. Gone. I'm gone. On the road.

**Stark1:**Hurry. Want you. Feel your hands on me…fuck. Just not the same.

**Hawkeye58:**Well, stop trying and wait five minutes.

**Stark1:**…but I like giving you a nice mental image to work with….

**Hawkeye58:**Gonna get me in a damn accident is what you're doing. These people aren't going fast enough.

**Stark1:**Yea? You thinking about me touching myself while I think about you?

**Hawkeye58:**….well…red lights are just suggestions, right?

**Stark1:**HA! Oh God, I love you. Try not to get yourself killed.

**Hawkeye58:**Ha. Yeah. That'd be a little counter-productive, right?

**Stark1:**Just a little. Who'd fuck me then?

**Hawkeye58:**Don't know. But I'd find a way to kill them from the beyond, I'm sure…I'm double-parking. Hope you don't mind.

**Stark1:**…you hit my cars, I kill you.

**Hawkeye58:**Not a scratch…..just don't open the doors.

**Stark1:**…..seriously, don't hurt my babies.

**Hawkeye58:**I'm not gonna hurt the cars. Geez.

**Stark1:**Hey, I love my cars. They're my babies. Don't judge me.

**Hawkeye58:**Not judging. But you're totally killing the moment, here. :P

**Stark1:**Oh, and now you LIKE the moment? You were just threatening to kill me!

**Hawkeye58:**It was precious.

**Stark1:**…precious? What the fuck kind of answer is THAT?

**Hawkeye58:**The kind where I'm frustrated and not thinking right and your lab is too damn far away from the front door.

**Stark1:**…..so that makes me "precious". You know, that makes no damn sense.

…..let's play a game. Try and guess where my hands are right now and what they're doing.

**Hawkeye58:**The moment was precious and you were killing it. I can't tell if this game is helping or hindering.

**Stark1:**…I never thought you'd use the word "precious". Then again, you DID call me adorable, so I guess anything's possible. Besides, "this game" is what CREATED the moment, so I don't see how it can be doing anything BUT helping.

**Hawkeye58:**I've decided I'm going to fuck you, then kill you. How many labs do you have? This is stupid.

**Stark1:**I TOLD you I had a lot! I'm downstairs. Near the main lab. Right hand side of the hall. Better hurry up, don't wanna lose this precious moment.

**Hawkeye58:**Precious moment's long since dead.

**Stark1:**…well, THAT'S no fun. I think we should just call this off. I don't wanna do it if the moment's not precious.

**Hawkeye58:**You can't call it off, you bastard!

**Stark1:**Well, you're making it all un-special now. I want my precious moment back. I'm having it, no matter what you say. So there.

**Hawkeye58:**Fine. Have it. Make it as special as you damn want.

**Stark1:**…it's in the lab. I want it to be special…

**Hawkeye58:**Goddamn it, Tony. Anything with you is special. It's like a damn default setting. Can't turn it off and I don't want to. But it is REALLY hard to focus when you're being a damn tease…

**Stark1:**…..well I had to get you here SOMEHOW.

**Hawkeye58:**Yeah. Well, I'm here. And it was a damn frustrating trek and I really just want to wipe away the damn smirk I KNOW you're wearing and turn it into something more…just for me.

**Stark1:**It's always just for you.

….and, for the record, I don't smile at your irritation. Not when you're LEGIT irritated. Now, are you still lost?

**Hawkeye58:**Didn't say smile. Said smirk. And possibly…..stopped for a second.

**Stark1:**Same difference. I don't do it when you're really upset. Ask Jarvis….he'll tell you how to get here. Unless you'd rather I come meet you somewhere else?

**Hawkeye58:**Ah….no. Think I can get there. Glass walls?

**Stark1:**Yea. If you're actually there, I'd imagine it won't be hard to spot me. I'm the naked guy?

**Hawkeye58:**Oh, is THAT who that is….

**Stark1:**Haha. I take it you're here. Yea, there you are. Get your ass in here.

**Hawkeye58:**My pleasure.

-tbc-


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N****: See how much I love you guys? I'm trying to get each mini story finished before I post a new mini one. Cuz yea, there are at least four other mini stories already written. I have no life.**

**Anyway, here you go. Enjoy!^^**

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Clint slammed open the door, not even remembering that it was glass, not even caring. It shook on it's frame. Tony looked up at him with wide eyes, and that familiar smirk curved across his lips.

"I guess you missed me."

"Shut the fuck up." Clint strode across the room, holding up his cell phone. "This?" A picture of Tony, naked, sprawled across a lab table, was on the phone's screen. "This was _evil_."

"You loved it."

"I hate you so much right now."

"You do not."

"Yeah, I do." Clint tossed the phone aside, and it hit the floor with a loud clatter. He stepped forward, closer to Tony. "…you're just lucky that at the moment, the urge to fuck you is outweighing the urge to kill you."

Tony's smile didn't waver. If anything, it only grew. He spread his legs wider so that Clint could step between them, his hands running up Clint's chest and over his shoulders, fingers trailing lightly, teasingly along his scalp. "Well, who am I to discourage you?"

"You're a fucking pain in the ass, that's who you are." Without ceremony, he grabbed a handful of Tony's hair, yanking him forward into a bruising kiss. Tony made a tiny noise of surprise at the sudden intensity. Clint shoved him back, never breaking the kiss, even as both Tony and the table went slamming backwards into the wall.

There was a loud crashing sound as a beaker fell to the floor. Clint pulled away, staring at Tony, looking for all the world like a deer in the headlights.

"…..I…..what was that."

"A beaker."

"I know THAT. I mean what was in it?" Whatever it was, he could see it beginning to send up clouds of smoke.

"I'm not sure, but by the smoke and the hissing sound, I'm pretty sure it's eating through my floor."

"Shit. What should we…." but Clint didn't get any further. Tony reached out, fumbling blindly. He didn't even look, hand passing over several bottles before choosing one. He opened it and, still not looking, poured it over the spill on the floor. The spilled chemical, whatever it was, immediately stopped eating through the floor, the smoke fading as if it had never begun.

Clint stared at Tony, amazed. "How….how did you do that?"

Tony set the bottle aside, looking at Clint, bemused. "Do what?"

"That! You didn't even look to see which bottle you were grabbing."

"…..oh." Tony looked at the spill on the floor for the first time, then his gaze returned to Clint. "…reflex?"

Clint couldn't help it. He shook his head. "Science nerd."

Tony laughed. "Heh. Yup."

Clint looked at the semi-hole in the floor, then at the rest of the chemicals that sat on the table, not too far away from them. "…you know, maybe we shouldn't be having sex on this table…."

"…so you'd rather have sex on the floor?"

Again, Clint's gaze returned to the floor. "…..what….next to _that_?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "No, I thought maybe _in_ it. I enjoy the feeling of my flesh melting off. NO, idiot. Somewhere else."

"Oh." Duh. That should've been obvious. Clint glanced around the room, but his gaze kept returning to Tony, wonderfully naked, on the table. "…..I actually like you on the table. Maybe just a different table? One where I won't be pushing you into corrosive acids?"

"Aww, you don't like having sex in acid? And here I thought you thought that science was sexy."

Clint's eyes narrowed. "You're starting to become a pain in the ass again."

"…I wasn't aware that I stopped."

"I guess that's true." Clint took another glance around the room, ignoring the way Tony's hands were dancing over his chest, pulling his uniform open. "….okay."

"Hmm?" Tony looked up at him. "Okay' what?"

In answer, Clint tugged Tony up from the table and dumped him unceremoniously onto another….one that was far less crowded, and not with beakers, but with tools, which were far less likely to break.

"Oof." Tony pushed himself up onto his elbows to look at Clint. "Going to manhandle me, huh? I like it."

Clint shrugged out of his shirt. "In a minute, I'm going to fuck you hard enough that you won't be able to walk for the rest of the night, at least. And I'm starting to think about gagging you."

"Oooh…" Tony's tone was still teasing, but Clint didn't miss the way his face had flushed at the idea. "Kinky."

"If you say so." Clint finished removing the rest of his clothing and put a hand on Tony's chest, shoving him back onto the table. "Stay down."

"Yes, sir." Tony's voice still had that obnoxious, smartass edge to it, but it quickly faded when Clint's mouth found the bend in his thigh. "Haa!"

"That's better. I like your noises better than when you just flap your jaw."

"Nn…..telling me things like that just makes me wanna keep talkinnnaaaaah damn…" His words trailed off in a moan as Clint continued to trace a path of kisses and nips up Tony's stomach and chest, tongue tracing along his collarbone, teeth finding the soft flesh of his throat and tugging hard. "Fuck!"

"When I want to." He slipped a hand between them, wrapping his fingers around Tony's shaft, giving it a teasingly slow stroke. Tony tried to thrust up into the touch, but as soon as he did, Clint eased up, releasing him.

"Dammit, Clint…"

"This is what you get….torturing me with all those photos. Now I'm going to play with you just as much as I want."

Tony let out a frustrated whine. "Fucking bastard."

"Look who's talking." Clint ran his fingers over the head, feeling the wet precum there. "….I guess this'll work." He shifted on the table, moving higher above Tony so the man had more room, and nudged his knee. "Spread your legs."

Tony complied immediately. Obviously he had lost all desire to be difficult. _You're not the only one who can tease_, Clint thought with some amusement. He pressed two slickened fingers into Tony, who simply made an impatient sound.

"Hurry up."

"What did I tell you?" Clint scissored his fingers, stretching. "I'll go as fast or as slow as I damn well want." And to prove it, he pressed one fingertip lightly against that sweet spot and gave it a slow, teasing stroke.

Tony cried out, hands grabbing Clint's shoulders, fingers digging in hard enough to hurt. "Motherfucker! You fucking bastard I swear to God…"

Clint just laughed. "See what happens when you misbehave?"

"I'm going to fucking kill you."

"No you're not; I already called dibs on killing _you, _remember? And if you're dead, you can't kill _me_."

"Fucking asshole."

"Yup." He nipped Tony's ear, and the man shivered. "Lay back," he murmured. Amazingly, Tony listened for once.

"You better not be teasing again, I swear to God…"

Clint smiled, leaning in and kissing Tony, soft and sweet, as he slowly breached him. Tony moaned into the kiss.

"Fuck. Oh fuck." His hands had found the edges of the metal table he lay on, and his back was arching at the sensation of Clint filling him. Clint ran a hand up his chest, over his throat. Tony opened his eyes, looking up at the man above him.

Clint rolled his hips experimentally. Tony moaned, arching with sensation. Clint took that as a good sign, and there was no more holding back. He thrust forward hard. Tony's eyes snapped wide open, not in pain, but in surprise at the extreme change in mood.

Clint smiled, leaning in to kiss him, a hand slipping beneath Tony's knee. "Thought it was time I made good on that promise to fuck you till you can't walk."

"Ah…that sounds….more than good."

"Hnn." Clint tugged Tony's leg higher about his waist. "I'm glad we agree." He rocked forward again, hard, and Tony's head fell back against the table with a groan, face flushed with pleasure.

"This is what you get…..when you send me dirty pictures….while I'm working." Clint placed a hand on the table beside Tony's head, trying to steady himself. This table didn't feel all too stable.

"Ahh…..you're not…really….discouraging me."

"Maybe when your ass hurts tomorrow…..you'll rethink that." He reached between them, taking Tony in hand again, stroking him in rhythm with his thrusts. Tony cried out, arching into the touch, and Clint could feel the hot release spatter his hand. His pace didn't ease up.

"Won't…..fuck around with me…..any….haa!" His words choked off as he came, thrusts growing erratic, a hand now clutching at the edge of the table. He was vaguely aware of Tony's hands in his hair, Tony's lips brushing his. Exhausted, he let himself collapse half atop Tony, who was silent for once, fingers still running through that soft blonde hair.

"…..well." Tony's voice split the silence of the room several minutes later. Clint knew it couldn't have lasted long. Tony never could keep his mouth shut. "Are you gonna kill me now?"

Clint snorted. "Nah, I don't think so. Maybe some other time."

"Hey. This is a one-time deal. Kill me now or never."

"Oh, is that how it works?"

"Yup. If you don't do it now, you have to wait until the next time I do something annoying."

"…..in other words, five minutes from now?"

Tony smacked the back of Clint's head. "Something annoying enough that you threaten to kill me."

"….in other words, seven minutes from now?"

"I hate you so much."

"No you don't." Clint propped himself up on one elbow, chin in his hand, smiling at Tony. "So, how's your ass feel?"

Tony considered it for a moment. "…..awesome. And terrible."

Clint laughed. "Serves you right."

"Hey, I was just trying to keep you entertained. I know how boring work gets."

"Bullshit. You were trying to get me to come over. You got your way. And you got what you deserved."

"What, a good fucking?"

"….well, that too."

"Mm. Then it's worth the sore ass."

"Good to know."

Tony shifted, wincing a little at the tiny jolt of pain that sent through his backside. "Damn." Clint laughed; Tony glowered. "Hey, it's not funny. Do you know how many stairs there are in this place?"

"Mm….I'd say quite a few."

"Yea, quite a fucking lot." Tony was silent for a long moment. "…..what are the chances of you carrying me upstairs?"

"HA! Slim to none."

"Asshole."

"You know it."

**-fin-**


End file.
